No, its a true story. I'm actually giving you the straight dope here; I'm leaving out all the bullshit I add when i tell it to people who ask me about it.
I tried to finish it last night but, believe it or not, the power went out for about 5 minutes. My computer was genuinely more ----ed up than usual when the power came back on, and i didnt feel like typing it all out again.
Anyways...
the other pizza delivery guy showed up (Travis) thinking the whole thing was a joke. He looks a lot like one of those boy band members, and is about as popular with the girls. all in all he's a nice guy, but he drives a really shitty car and cares about his hair too much. he got the pizza and the address and went to do the delivery. the 3 of us jumped in another car and followed.
We pulled to up the place which was a duplex in a decent area of town. we stayed in the car and watched Travis get out to deliver the pizza. We still werent sure if there really were any naked chicks. Our doubts were short-lived though, because a naked chick opened the door. she was kinda fat and nasty looking - just the type of girl bertonshaw would be attracted to. About 5 seconds later another naked chick came to the door. she was ----ing hot. it was at this poing that we decided to get out of the car and help deliver the pizza.
The troll (thankfully) went back into the house, and it sounded like up (or down) a set of stairs. the hot one, Jenna, we presumed, invited us in because she didnt want to stand naked on the door step too long becasue the neighbours start to complain. she thanked us all for the pizza and gave us some more of her magnets. she then noticed travis's polaroid camera and suggested we pose for her naked. We declied and gave her bertonshaw's home phone #. Travis then suggested she pose for us naked. She did. We all got our pictures taken with her, and, as you can imagine, it wasn't hard to come up with a camera friendly shit eating grin.
we told her that her pizza was getting cold, and she said that she wasn't planning on eating it. it was just a way to get some young pizza boys to come to her house. we didnt really know what to think of that, then she asked us all to drop our pants.
Travis did, and at this point we were about ready to leave. i had no desire to see him with no pants on. she grabbed a felt pen and started to write something on his ---, then she told me it was my turn. I figured "what the hell" and walked over and dropped my pants and let her write to her heart's content. it felt pretty wierd; ive never had anyone write on my --- before.
she wrote on all our asses, but wouldnt say what she wrote. I wasn't about to ask any of my friends what it said, and no way in hell i was going to show it to bertonshaw. we'd spent quite awhile there and figured we should proably go (even though there was a really hot naked woman there) on our way out she said "wait, I have your tip" so we turned around to see that she had rolled up a $10 bill and stuck through a ring in one of her peircings. she said to Travis "if you want it you have to come and get it... with your teeth" he didn't hesitate; he was on his knees in an instant. either he was having trouble extracting the $10 or he was taking his time. I wouldn't blame him if he was. After he was done we packed up and left.
We got back to the pizza place - bertonshaw was gone, and some other guy was working. he asked where the hell we were, and we just told him we had a special delivery, and stuck a couple of the magnets on the cash register and walked out.
Quite a night.
I drove home and looked at my --- and it said "thank you panago, you are the best" (panago is the pizza place")
Anyway, thats most of the story, spared some of the more inapproriate details.
I tried to finish it last night but, believe it or not, the power went out for about 5 minutes. My computer was genuinely more ----ed up than usual when the power came back on, and i didnt feel like typing it all out again.
Anyways...
the other pizza delivery guy showed up (Travis) thinking the whole thing was a joke. He looks a lot like one of those boy band members, and is about as popular with the girls. all in all he's a nice guy, but he drives a really shitty car and cares about his hair too much. he got the pizza and the address and went to do the delivery. the 3 of us jumped in another car and followed.
We pulled to up the place which was a duplex in a decent area of town. we stayed in the car and watched Travis get out to deliver the pizza. We still werent sure if there really were any naked chicks. Our doubts were short-lived though, because a naked chick opened the door. she was kinda fat and nasty looking - just the type of girl bertonshaw would be attracted to. About 5 seconds later another naked chick came to the door. she was ----ing hot. it was at this poing that we decided to get out of the car and help deliver the pizza.
The troll (thankfully) went back into the house, and it sounded like up (or down) a set of stairs. the hot one, Jenna, we presumed, invited us in because she didnt want to stand naked on the door step too long becasue the neighbours start to complain. she thanked us all for the pizza and gave us some more of her magnets. she then noticed travis's polaroid camera and suggested we pose for her naked. We declied and gave her bertonshaw's home phone #. Travis then suggested she pose for us naked. She did. We all got our pictures taken with her, and, as you can imagine, it wasn't hard to come up with a camera friendly shit eating grin.
we told her that her pizza was getting cold, and she said that she wasn't planning on eating it. it was just a way to get some young pizza boys to come to her house. we didnt really know what to think of that, then she asked us all to drop our pants.
Travis did, and at this point we were about ready to leave. i had no desire to see him with no pants on. she grabbed a felt pen and started to write something on his ---, then she told me it was my turn. I figured "what the hell" and walked over and dropped my pants and let her write to her heart's content. it felt pretty wierd; ive never had anyone write on my --- before.
she wrote on all our asses, but wouldnt say what she wrote. I wasn't about to ask any of my friends what it said, and no way in hell i was going to show it to bertonshaw. we'd spent quite awhile there and figured we should proably go (even though there was a really hot naked woman there) on our way out she said "wait, I have your tip" so we turned around to see that she had rolled up a $10 bill and stuck through a ring in one of her peircings. she said to Travis "if you want it you have to come and get it... with your teeth" he didn't hesitate; he was on his knees in an instant. either he was having trouble extracting the $10 or he was taking his time. I wouldn't blame him if he was. After he was done we packed up and left.
We got back to the pizza place - bertonshaw was gone, and some other guy was working. he asked where the hell we were, and we just told him we had a special delivery, and stuck a couple of the magnets on the cash register and walked out.
Quite a night.
I drove home and looked at my --- and it said "thank you panago, you are the best" (panago is the pizza place")
Anyway, thats most of the story, spared some of the more inapproriate details.
I like the cheese shaker!
